In a short while, my little brother will be here and we’ll travel north again to my parents’ house for Christmas. It’s a lovely house, in the woods, but not quite like going home since it’s not a place that I’ve ever lived and it’s near a town that isn’t mine and never has been. We’ll be fine, as long as politics is muted for the next few days.
This has been some year. I can’t really do one of those “beginning of 2016/ end of 2016” photo memes and have it be genuine, because my “beginning” was back in June 2015. I hope that 2017 turns some of that around. I don’t hold out a lot of hope for the national/ international clusterfuck righting itself in any meaningful way in the next 12 months–we’re in for some scary times for sure, but I hope that I will begin to feel a little more in control of my personal trajectory in the next year.
I wonder, sometimes, how this blog will be read. I’ve spent a fair amount of time trying to write myself out of my personal issues. I can’t deny them, they are a part of me and my development, and I am working through them. I hope that when I find a new person and move forward that she doesn’t feel like I’m trying to use her to replace what I had before. That wouldn’t be true.
December, the closing of the year, it’s a time for reflection and looking ahead. In a lot of ways, it is my time (even as much as I claim and prefer my month, November) because that is what I do, it’s how I live. I live in that space of reflection and forecasting, looking both behind me and ahead at the same time. It’s where I’m happiest when writing, and when reading and watching movies. Our past is always with us, we can either choose to view it as an anchor that makes reaching the horizon more difficult, or we can embrace the weight of our choices and experiences and allow them to journey with us. That is what I try to do. It’s all I can do, because they are with me regardless.
I’m certain I’ll do another entry before we say farewell to 2016 completely, but I will say that I have reason to be hopeful. Hope is the more difficult path, it climbs higher and leaves you further to fall, but I’ll continue on. And we’ll see what comes of it.
More later …